Table Manners
My Chow magazine column

How to Eat

• Fork Etiquette
  Does using the right utensil even matter anymore?
• Should You Really Be Eating That?
  Influencing an overweight friend’s eating habits
• Stinky Seatmate
  What not to eat on planes
• Public Transit Picnic
  Is it rude to eat on the subway?
• Pointing the Finger at Finger Foods
  Caesar salads, sushi … where do you draw the line?
• The Right Way to Eat Noodles
  Slurp? Twirl? What’s the deal?
• Butter Me Up
  Modern bread-plate etiquette
• Stop, Thief!
  Is it acceptable to eat off other people’s plates?
• Cootie Call
  Is it rude not to want to share your fork?
• Withstand Bland
  Is it wrong to ask your hostess to pass the salt?
• You'd Better Be Anorexic
  Because otherwise, your slow eating is just plain rude
• Is It Wrong to Play with Your Food?
  It’s a matter of respect, for your food and your company
• Eating While Dating
  Which foods might not get you to third base

How to Drink

• Baby on Board, Drink in Hand
  Can you tell a pregnant boozer to stop?
• Stiffing the Bartender
  How much should you tip on drinks?
• Drunk at Yoga Class
  Is it bad form to go to happy hour first?
• Drinking While Pregnant
  Going on the wagon in solidarity
• Must I Refuse Free Booze?
  What should you do if a stranger buys you a drink?
• Sloshed with the Boss
  Are you supposed to drink at a business meal?
• Did She Really Just Say That?
  When relatives drink and embarrass you
• Just Watch Me Drink
  How to deal with prissy nondrinkers
• Bring Wine, Pay Double
  Do restaurants ever waive corkage fees?
• Wine Whiner
  Is it OK to send vino back if you hate it?
• How to Tip on Wine?
  It’s already marked up so much
• Stop Refilling My Wineglass!
  How to tell waiters to let you drink at your own pace

How to Behave During Meals

• How to Talk Politics Over Dinner
  Watch the booze!
• I Don’t Care If She’s Family
  How to deal with your mother-in-law’s bad manners
• Is There Something in My Teeth?
  Oral hygiene among friends and associates
• Game Face
  Is it OK to apply lipstick at the table?
• Don’t Scream “I Hate Broccoli!”
  Teaching your kid table manners
• The Napkin Defense
  You lose cred when you use paper
• 'Snot Appetizing
  Is it impolite to blow your nose at the table?
• Caveman Posture
  Is it rude to put your elbows on the table?
• Wow, You Eat a Lot
  Is it rude to admire a woman’s appetite?
• Advice for Heathens
  What do atheists say when asked to say grace?
• Stop Broadcasting Your Social Life
  Twittering on your digital device
• Gotta Take This Call
  Is it OK to answer your cell phone during dinner?
• Get a Room
  No fondling over dinner
• On the Rise
  When are you supposed to stand at a meal?

How to Behave in a Restaurant

• Leaving a Massive Tip
  When should you leave more than 20 percent?
• Put Away the Darn Camera
  How to politely photograph restaurant food
• Keep Your Eyes Off My Dish
  Is it OK to ogle other people’s orders?
• I Didn’t Order Salmonella
  Restaurant food poisoning etiquette
• Ham on Rye, Extra Sadism
  Is it OK for a restaurant to abuse its customers?
• I Want to Be Alone
  When solo diners aren’t looking for company
• Indoor Voices, Please!
  What to do when the table next to you is noisy
• Ordering Off the Kids’ Menu
  Can grown-ups get little burgers?
• Bring Your Own Plastic Container
  The greenest takeout packaging
• Bad Dinner, No Tip
  Is it ever OK to stiff the waitstaff?
• Stealing Bar Glasses
  How bad is it to pilfer pints?
• The Art of Criticism
  Does your server really want to know how your meal was?
• Breast Practices
  The etiquette of nursing in restaurants
• But I Come Here Often
  Should regulars get special treatment?
• Will This $20 Change Your Mind?
  Bribing the host or hostess for a table
• Kids Gone Wild
  How should restaurants handle misbehaving children?
• Is Saving Tables Wrong?
  On throwing down a jacket while you wait in line
• Done Eating, Not Dining
  When should a server take your plate?
• Comfy Clothes and White Tablecloths
  Must you dress up for nice restaurants?
• Autograph My Dirty Napkin!
  The etiquette of approaching celebrities in restaurants
• I Didn’t Order That Insect
  How should a restaurant handle bugs in your dish?
• Dinner with a Tightwad
  Should you augment a bad tip, and how?
• Turning the Tables
  Can a restaurant kick you out when it’s busy?
• Party of One
  The dos and don’ts of dining solo
• But I Only Drank Water!
  Do you have to split the bill?
• Doggy Bag Dilemma
  Is saving leftovers ever a bad idea?
• We’ll Just Split This
  Is it rude for two diners to halve one dish at a restaurant?
• Sycophant on Rye
  When is it appropriate to say thank you to your server?
• Give My Table Away
  The etiquette of canceling dinner reservations.
• I Ordered Wrong
  Sending food back that you simply don’t like

How to be a Good Host

• Please Bring an Elaborate Dessert
  What’s the right answer to “Can I bring anything?”
• Come Over for Crusty Casserole
  Can you serve leftovers to guests?
• Kids Making Drinks
  Is it wrong to ask minors to mix martinis?
• Ditching an Annoying Guest
  She came last year, must she again?
• Tea Parties Must Make a Comeback
  Economical, festive, and good for Sundays
• Dude, Where’s My Drink?
  The absentee cocktail party host
• Too Poor for Drinks
  Staying home is the new going out
• Surprise Guest: Mom
  Can you tell a friend not to bring his parent to your party?
• Drunk on Recycling
  Can you ask guests to bring their own cups?
• Mum’s the Velveeta
  Keep your secret ingredients secret
• What If You Ruin the Turkey?
  Lie, confess, or order pizza?
• Dinner’s Getting Cold
  How to deal with the chronically late
• Foot Fetish
  What’s with the “shoes off” rule?
• Nobody Ate My Dish
  Tips on how to host a successful potluck
• Open My Wine First
  Are hosts required to share their gifts?
• Strategic Guest Ejection
  How do I let a lingering guest know that it’s time to leave?

How to be a Good Guest

• Polite Society in the Hamptons
  How to be a good weekend guest
• Am I Drinking Too Much?
  Keeping pace with the host
• I Made that Spam Pudding You Love!
  Can you undo a false food compliment?
• Surprise! I’m at Your Door
  Are ambush visits rude?
• Is Fido Invited?
  When it’s not OK to bring your dog to a party
• Your Dish Is Unwelcome Here
  Don’t bring food to a dinner party
• Double-Dipping on Trial
  There’s negligible contamination, but it’s still unacceptable
• Dinner with Mr. and Mrs. McPerfect
  How to deal with tense hosts
• Boy, It’s Getting Late
  When can you leave a boring dinner party?
• Ungrateful Wretch
  When dinner guests don’t say thank you enough
• The Dish on Ditching
  How to escape bores at parties
• Gotta Go Walk the Dog
  Is it OK to leave a dinner party early?
• Joined at the Hip
  It’s bad manners for couples to form social units
• I'm Vegetarian but I Eat Bacon
  I’m no more a carnivore than a straight woman who occasionally makes out with other girls is a lesbian

How to Send and Respond to Invitations

• RSVP to My Damn Invite!
  How to get your friends to tell you if they’re coming
• Yes, We’re Still On
  How many event reminders must a person send out?
• Shhhh, She’s Not Invited!
  How to exclude certain coworkers from a party invitation
• Singled Out
  The dos and don’ts of inviting unattached guests to your parties
• Adults Only
  How to politely tell guests not to bring their kids
• Are You Coming or Not?
  Why people don’t RSVP anymore, and why they should
• Not Invited Back
  Are you obliged to reciprocate dinner party invitations?
• Didn’t You Get My Message?
  The dos and don’ts of last-minute canceling

Etiquette for Special Occasions

• Dumped Over Dinner
  Is it OK to break up in restaurants?
• Unemployment Benefits
  Should you pick up the tab for jobless friends?
• Thanksgiving-Hopping
  Is it OK to hit two dinners in one night?
• Toasts, Not Roasts
  How to get a wedding speech right
• Throw My Wedding
  Is it OK to ask friends to help with your reception?
• Birthday Butchery
  Help! I’m not cut out for cake-cutting.
• But, Mom …
  How to persuade your mom to try a better restaurant on Mother’s Day.
• It Must Be Like
  How do you ask somebody to dinner on Valentine’s Day without implying everlasting commitment?
• Death Warmed Over
  What to bring to a funeral
• Greedy Gobbler
  Are you entitled to Thanksgiving leftovers? And other holiday conundrums.

Miscellaneous

• Wait, Lemme Google It!
  The dreaded iPhone faux pas
• Hiding Your Face on Facebook
  How to handle embarrassing party photos
• Stuff I Screwed Up
  Looking back on my bad advice
• Bad Breath Intervention
  When offering gum doesn’t cut it
• Unforbidden Fruit
  How to help yourself from your neighbors’ trees
• More than Just Arm Candy
  How to stop a friend from salting your game
• Don’t Hide the Ring in the Flan
  How to propose in a restaurant
• The Awkward Lip-Kiss Greeting
  Way beyond hugs and air smooches
• Do Let Them Eat Cake
  What—and how—to feed the homeless
• Chain Letters Aren’t Tasty
  How to deal with food-related chain letters you don’t want to participate in
• Outing Ecoslackers
  How do you change people’s recycling habits?
• Leftovers: The Career Killer
  Does bringing your lunch hurt your chances for success?
• Am I Being Petty?
  Or are my friends thieves?
• None of Your Business
  Is it selfish to guard a recipe?
• Secondhand BBQ Smoke
  Do vegetarians have the right to demand meat-free environments?
• Sample-itis
  How much can you try before you purchase?
• An Espresso to Grind
  Should you tip baristas, and if so, how much?
• Who’s Been Eating My Porridge?
  How to raid your housemates’ stash, and bust them tactfully when they raid yours.
• Etiquette Reform School
  Can I give my seriously rude friend a talking to?